Be Still My Soul
Sleep has been a challenge for several months, some morning I wake at 2 AM, stay awake for an hour or two and then try to sleep a little longer. Sometimes I make it to the early morning, 4-5 AM (in bed by 8:30pm). Though I'd prefer to be sleeping, it's become a quiet, spiritual time for me to ponder, pray, listen to hymns, read scriptures, etc. in an off-white Ikea armchair (see photo).
Earlier this morning, I was pondering life, my current situation and seeing what I can learn. I was reminded of life before we were born, that we anticipated coming to earth to receive a body, we knew would have experiences and prepare to return to live with God someday, though I don't imagine we truly understood what we'd experience here on earth.
When I was diagnosed on May 13th, everything got very real and priorities adjusted. Prayers became more sincere and my relationships (including God and Jesus Christ) and the love shared became more important than anything else. During the first several weeks, we enjoyed tremendous peace and outpourings of the Spirit, a true blessing.
We left for Europe last Friday and believe it or not, things have become significantly more real. Now I'm actually in treatment, very far away, still figuring out sleep, etc. It's been quite hard at times, though Alicia and her dad have been a tremendous help.
As I pondered this morning, even asking Heavenly Father what I needed to change or do better, I felt that my focus these past several days has been too much on my difficult circumstances. As the challenges increased, it seems my spiritual game didn't.
I was reminded of two hymns that I love. I have links below to versions of that caused me to weep this morning as I listened to them. I would suggest you listen to them when you have a quiet moment. The messages were crystal clear and felt tailor made for me. In one video lyrics in embedded, which I find helpful as I rarely understand all that is sung.
In summary, God is in the details of our lives. He knows us and loves us perfectly. There are no surprises or challenges He can't help with, especially through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ. We need not fear, no matter what the outcome of our current trials are. We can find comfort knowing that God is always with us. Ultimately He is in charge, sees the beginning from the end, knows all things, and wants us to progress and return to live with Him.
So this cancer thing, though difficult, is just part of the plan for me, God is aware and will never forsake me. No matter what the short term outcome, I can trust in His wisdom. He'll succor me as He sees fit, according to His perfect wisdom. I've already grown from this experience and just this morning, I grew again.
As a final comment. It's easy to be taught something and enjoy the message. Now the challenge is to apply them to my/our current circumstances. In the end, this blog post is not about me. God has a plan for all us, may we trust Him more, and follow His Son Jesus Christ. Enjoy the music.
I prefer this version because of the men's choir...
Alicia prefers the version below.
On a funny, side note. The post picture is the room Alicia and I share. I'm on the bottom bunk and really enjoy sitting in that chair. After about an hour of pondering, praying and listening, I was enjoying the beginning of the morning light and what I had just learned. Out of nowhere, Alicia, while still asleep, accidentally knocked two books she had been reading, off of her bunk and without any warning, there was a loud thud on the ground about 5 inches from my chair. Quite a shock. Well, that abruptly ended my spiritual moment. ;)